I had to share this. My Dad lives near me in West Chester, Ohio. He was with us this morning to open presents and will be over this evening for dinner. Both my brothers went to their in-laws this year. Very funny!
TO ALL THE PROGENY OF THOMAS, A JOYOUS SALUTATION ON THIS MOST PROFANE OF DAYS
Although no one will be at my house this year, I have decided to observe "Festivus for the Rest of Us" for it is truly a more spectaculas event and contains less mysticism than that other holidays. I will prepare the traditional meal of baked spam, turnips, rubarb, and for dessert raisin upside-down-cake and chicory coffee.
I will enunciate for each member of the family, in their absence, an Airing of thr Grievences, except for Dylan, who is to young to have any - not counting potty training. After dinner and before partaking of dessert, I will have the traditional Feats of Strength, which since I will be the only competitor will consist of getting out of a chair the quickest, carrying the heaviest load of laundry and getting to the bathroom dash. Other events may be added later.
This year the Festivus pole will be aluminum and not the artifical plastic pole being sold for strictly commercial purposes. The pole will have a place of honor by the fireplace.
While you will not be here, you will all be in my thoughts as I look at the Festivus pole.
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